I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
