Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
