when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize