We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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