The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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