im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
