whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
