i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
