My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
