I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
