Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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