Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
