Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
