haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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