Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
