I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
