i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That reminds me...we need to get swords
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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