I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
