Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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