8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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