She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
