Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
