You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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