you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
