low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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