can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
