"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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