Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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