I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
