Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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