I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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