You smell like stripper and shame
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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