when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
