the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
