when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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