I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
