Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
