There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your penis caused this!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize