Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
