We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
