She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
