she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
