I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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