I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
