Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
