i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
