somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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