shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
