Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
