$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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