Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
