I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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