I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
