how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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