the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
