guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
