operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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