My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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