I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
