Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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