either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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