i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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